Assumisms

The only thing you need to assume is the "position".

No, I don't want to fight about it. I want you to turn around and bend over so I can kick your ass.

I want you to have my children. Wait here I'll bring them in.

My imaginary friends all moved away and got good jobs. They work for congress.

Feminine hygiene products are for pussies.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a fishing boat? Chum.

What's the secret to keeping a penis hard all night long? Don't f**k with it!"

"How are you?" "Try me. Find out."

I was feeling down in the dumps and told my wife. She said "Well, don't beat yourself up." So I slapped her.

What do you call a guy with no arm or legs on a construction site? Phil.

We tried wife swapping once. Didn't work out though. Wasn't permanent.

Never send an idiot to do a moron's job.

I don't believe in wife beating, so I never got married.

OWL

Jan. 7, 2012