Stonehenge

The local weather web site says the current temperature is 80 degrees Fahrenheit, wind out of the southwest with gusts of 5 mph, cloud cover 2% and very slight chance of rain. Nice day? No, not for me. It has cooled off a lot from the temperatures in the nineties a week ago. After the 100 plus days of mid summer 80 feels quite cool. The fall equinox is coming up. The days or at least the hours of sunlight are getting shorter.

I always get depressed when summer turns to fall and even more depressed when fall turns to winter. I hate getting up and going to work in the dark. And detest coming home in the dark. I get cold very easily, whether it is due to low metabolism or lack of body fat I don't know. Often the only time I feel really warm in the winter is when I am soaking in a hot bath. But I can't stay in the tub all day.

I get depressed because I feel like another summer has come and gone and I have wasted it. I tend to focus to much on what I haven't done. The things I haven't accomplished.

For the most part the things that I set out to do this summer I have a done. My garden produced more vegetables than I can eat or even give away. The flowers this year were bountiful. My marriage is stronger and my relationship with my wife is better than ever. I have let my artistic side out and my drawing is much more free. My writing is getting better though I still have a hard writing about my day to day life and my emotions. This post seems wooden and stilted. I do much better when I'm ranting about the ill logic and silliness of the society in which we live.

Truth is I don't like examining my emotions or making them public. I'd much rather feel sorry for myself and not ask why. And definitely not share my unhappiness or fear with anyone. And not do anything to change it.

I'm learning to let the world in. And let the frightened little boy out.

Thanks for listening.

OWL

Sept. 16, 2007