Onan the Barbarian

I like to masturbate. It makes me feel like a teenager again. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have sex with my wife (or her sister), but the occasional bit of selflove can be quite enjoyable. Does that make me a sinner? Am I going to burn in hell? I don't think so. The Bible is very clear on this. Onan had a brother who died so as was the custom of the day he married his brothers wife Tamar. She was a looker. But Onan felt that his seed should not be mixed with his brothers seed. I guess Onan wasn't from Arkansas. So he "Spilled it on the ground" and "The thing which he did displeased the LORD wherefore he he slew him." Genesis 38 9-10. Ouch! But what does it mean "he spilled it on the ground"? Well he could of jacked off. Or he could of pulled out early. Bush could learn from that. Or he could of just not done any thing until nature took over and he had a nocturnal emission (wet dream). The Bible doesn't specify, the important point is he didn't give it to his wife. Note the story is not about an unmarried boy or a widower. Now back then there was no such thing as social security. A woman's only retirement plan was to have children. (Men didn't retire, they worked until they died.) No this was Onan sin, he took an oath to protect and care for his wife and then he refused to do the one thing that would make her secure in her old age. Give her children. Also in those days a woman's social standing depended on the number of children, especially boys, she had. So for Onan to marry Tamar and then not to give her children was very cruel. No wonder God took offence.

But the God of the Hebrews was also a neat freak. Lots of the old testament concerns itself with cleanliness. Clean and unclean. There were lots of rules for isolating and purifying something that was defiled. Maybe that's where Onan went wrong, he didn't use a hanky.

Keep the Kleenex handy.

OWL
March 25, 2007