Water Water Everywhere

Just about every day in this country groups of people get together to discuss water.
“Evian is crisp with an earthy finish.”
“I find Perier pretentious and over priced.”
“You simply must try the Santa Barbara ’87 tap. I have a few bottles I’ve been saving for a special occasion. Come on by we’ll crack one open.”

No. I mean water allocation. Who gets water, fish or farmers? Big cities or big business? I’m not talking about Joe farmer out is his field talking with the fisherman from next door. I mean biologists, botanist, foresters, civil engineers, politicians and the obligatory lawyers.

These are educated people, important people, leaders of science and industry, mayors, supervisors, congressmen and attorneys. Scholars with degrees in such fields as Natural Habitat Enhancement, Environmental Hydrodynamics, Advanced Urban Sprawl, and Spurious Hyperbolae. People who have taken classes in Fundamentals of Waste Water Recovery, Efficient Soil Manipulation and Rhetorical Rhetoric 101a. Authors of such erudite tomes as Global Warming and the Mating Cycle of the Desert Pup Fish, Canal Systems of Ancient Mesopotamia, and The Complete Guide to Political Posturing.

They get together in town councils, on county water boards, in State Department of Resources meetings and at senate sub-committee hearings to discuss how to divide up the limited supply of water. How much goes to grow the nations vital agricultural crops, what goes down stream to save threatened species of fish, how much can be siphoned off by the energy corporations and what will be left over to drink. There is never enough for every one.

Excuse me did I say discuss? Argue is nearer the mark. These meetings can get pretty nasty. The environmental lobby accuses the electrical companies of mass destruction of pristine wetlands. The farmers cry that the cities are deliberately sucking them dry. And everyone screams that the politicians are doing nothing. The politicians blame the lawyers.

If you’re at one of these meetings and someone offers you “the chair” get ready to duck.

At the end of the day they, hopefully, shake hands and politely thank one another for their attendance and cooperation. They all go home and retire to a private room. Then they each take two gallons of fresh, clean water, which has undergone an expense purification process and been delivered to their homes by an extensive system of dams, aqueducts, pipes, pumps and pluming, mix it with a small amount of urine and flush it down the toilet. Whoosh.

OWL

March 31, 2007